We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country, and God.
If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half-dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns (or in Tennessee ...deer rifles) and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. - Lloyd Wright (My Internet buddy and fellow Redneck)
Ya'll know who ya'll are...
You might be a Redneck if:
1. It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God”.
2. You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.
3. You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival".
4. You remove your hat and bow your head when anyone prays.
5. You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play our National Anthem.
6. You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.
7. You've never burned an American flag, but would kick someone's BUTT that did.
8. You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
9 You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.
10. You'd give your last dollar to a friend.
11. You've got chicken wire (stents) in yer heart!
12. You've nevah been p'litically correct in yer life and ya ain't a startin' now!
13. The best furniture in your house you got roadside.
14. You do your toy shoppong on trash day.
I figger I will get a lot more of these in the mail once this page gets seen some. 11-14 are mine and the rest might be from Jeff Foxworthy or jist some ole redneck. I don't want to take nuttin' away from anyone so if someone wants to claim ownership of any of these jist holler and I'll give you due respect, heah?
Mommas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Liberals
Liberals so easily whine and so hate to lose
When Jesus returns I don’t want to be in their shoes.
They think we all came from monkeys and I know that’s not true,
But they think it is so let’s just put’ em all in a zoo.
Mommas don’t let your babies grow up to be Liberals.
Don’t let’ em kill babies and be atheists
Whining and shaking their Communist fists.
Mommas don’t let your babies grow up to be Liberals
Cuz when you’re old and gray and they don’t want to pay they’ll most likely euthanize you.
Liberals kill babies and pity those that molest a child,
But execute a killer and they will just go plain wild.
They’ll take your money for those who just will not work
And if you complain they’ll say you’re such an insensitive jerk.
They hate the Ten Commandments and kicked God out of the schools.
It's no surprise why we're raising ignorant fools.
They told them their Pappy was just a big hairy ape.
No wonder they have no problem committing murder and rape.
Mommas don’t let your babies grow up to be Liberals.
Don’t let’ em kill babies and be atheists
Whining and shaking their Communist fists.
Mommas don’t let your babies grow up to be Liberals
Cuz when you’re old and gray and they don’t want to pay they’ll most likely euthanize you.
Mommas don’t let your babies grow up to be Liberals
Cuz when you’re old and gray and they don’t want to pay they’ll just euthanize you.
Yep, I wrote it sometime in 2005 with a thanks and a hat wave to Willie and Waylon!
Ten Commandments, Cowboy Style.
Cowboy's Ten Commandments posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie, Texas.
(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7) No killin'.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff
Now that's kinda plain an' simple don't ya think?
Y'all have a good day. Ya heah?
NORTH-SOUTH
The North has coffee houses,
The South has Waffle Houses
The North has dating services,
The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives,
The South has Lee Press-on Nails
The North has double last names,
The South has double first names.
The North has Indy car races,
The South has stock car races.
The North has Cream of Wheat,
The South has grits.
The North has green salads,
The South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters,
The South has crawfish.
The North has the rust belt,
The South has the Bible Belt.
FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .
In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in th! e same store....do not buy food at this store.
Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.!
Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chan! ce of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM IN THE SOUTH
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and your NRA magazines.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim,
I went for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyways, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.
My Dawg Might Be A Redneck!
Learn the Language of Paradise
Are You A Yankee or Rebel?
Mah score = 100% Dixie. Is General Lee your grandfather?!
